The Long Road Home

I’ve found out my day to come home!! Yes, it is official. Finally. For awhile I wasn’t sure when it would be because the travel agent in charge of me hadn’t replied yet. But this past week I finally got my final confirmation of flight information. =DDDD I leave Denmark on June 15th at 3.45 pm. I go from Copenhagen to Chicago. And from Chicago, I head out to Portland. I will be officially landing in Portland at 11.30 pm! Yes, it’s a bit late. And then I have another 3 hour long drive until I’m actually in my house again. So it’s going to be a long night =P long day of travel. Let me count the hours real quick…it’s hard because I have to think about the time difference…which is 9 hours…two seconds………………………………OK I GOT IT!! I will be travelling roughly 17 hours straight that day. That’s not including my drive home. Wow. That is one long day. I will not be sleeping either, I can pert near guarantee it.

But the actual TRAVEL being set aside for now, I’m so excited =) in all honesty, a month ago, I wouldn’t have been excited at all. I had talked about this with my 2nd host family quite a bit. When I lived with them it was so hard to even think about leaving Denmark. To even entertain the idea that I was going home. I remember sitting in the bus one day, I think it was a Saturday, as I was heading into town probably to meet a friend. I remember sitting in this bus and thinking about going home. Thinking about all the people I’d be leaving behind. I nearly broke down in sobs on the bus. Then when I was on my study trip to bosnia, I also had a really hard time one of the nights. Me and one of the girls had to walk back to this one place and give a jacket back that was mistaken as ours. So she and I walked back, and we started talking about when I leave. This girl knows who she is and she knows that I will miss her so much. I started crying in the middle of the street when we were walking and talking about it. Then again even just this past week while I was at a party with my class, I was sitting on the couch with this same girl and I got extremely sad again. I’m not sure if anyone cares about those exact experiences, but I’m just trying to paint you the picture of my feelings right now. Right now, this exact moment, as I think about going home, as I think about packing all my stuff up for the last time, as I think about seeing my family and friends again, as I think about lying in my own soft big bed again, I can’t wait to go home. I could go home tomorrow and be the happiest girl in the world.

And that feeling is the reality at the moment. I love living in Denmark. I love my friends here. I love my families here. I love my life here. The freedoms, the culture. I wouldn’t change it for the world. But as it stands, I’ve been away from home for 269 days. 9 months. (and yes, by the way, I just counted. I haven’t been keeping track since I’ve been here) that is a long time to be away and on your own. It really is. And the fact of the matter is, I’m ready to go home. A month ago I know that I couldn’t say this. But whether I was ready for it or not, it was going to happen. So I’ve had to accept it. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m leaving my life here and taking my completely different self back with me. And I’ve accept the fact that I’m going to be leaving amazing people behind here. I don’t want anyone to confuse what I’m trying to say here. Yes, I’m ready to go home. But my heart is going to be broken into so many pieces when I leave. It’s going to kill me, and I know this. Saying goodbye to my best American friend at the airport is probably going to be one of the worst experiences of my life. And saying goodbye to my best Danish friends is going to be even harder than that. At least I’ve got a plan to see my other exchange student friends that live close by. But coming back to Denmark? I have no idea when that is going to happen again. And it hurts to think about it. It hurts knowing that there are people here that I may never see again. But I can’t think about it. It’s inevitable. I have to leave. I can’t postpone it. I can’t avoid it. I have to accept it. Because if I don’t, that’s going to hurt me even more than it already is. So I’m trying to keep going on in my Danish life. I’m living everyday to the fullest here because I don’t have many left. 51 to be exact from this day. That’s insane to think about. I know.

My friends and family back home are really excited to see me again. Parties are being planned. Vacations are being planned. Road trips are being planned. It sounds like life back home is going to keep going despite the fact that I will have just returned from a year of my life away. I think it’s better that way. I think it’s better that I’ll be kept at least somewhat busy when I come home that way I won’t be too ‘homesick’ for Denmark. They say that your first 2 weeks home are the hardest of your entire exchange. We’ll see how this one plays out.

But as it stands now, I’m coming home on June 15th. I’m happier than a clam to be coming home. I miss home. But I’m sadder than that donkey from Winnie the Pooh about leaving Denmark and my friends and families. It’s a hard mixture of feelings to have in one body. Sometimes it overflows one way or the other. I just wanted everyone to know. I’m looking forward to seeing you all again back home. I’m excited to see the ocean from my window again. But for my friends in Denmark and my families that might be reading this, I just want to tell you that I’m going to miss you all so much. And it pains me to think about leaving some of you behind. You’ll be in my heart forever.

Thanks for reading this latest entry about my feelings. There will be more updates coming this week. Stay posted k =)) love you all. Thanks for the support. I’m almost home!

Kram,
Rebekah